Another girl didn't show up today. I'm sensing a trend you guys will probably be offended if I say but I'm so angry right now from everything that happened today that I'm just about ready to say it.

We have a mixed-ethnicity team. My boss and I are white, and each keyholder feels like they were brought on to fix the whiteness problem (not that they're not also qualified); so one is black, one is Asian, and one is originally from Russia. Then the team of sales associates is pretty black with a few Asian and white exceptions.

Fine, right? Like who cares what your skin color is as long as you can do your job.

So when I started to do more of the hiring/interviewing, I obviously didn't pay any attention to the person's name or anything else that would indicate that they were black. I figured that I mean sure black people are usually a little different from me, but it shouldn't affect work performance all that much. Right? Like maybe we don't entirely see eye to eye but you can do your job and that's the important part.

We hired a team of a bunch of girls of various ethnicity, and we've already started having problems.

The black girls are on their phones more often, they need to be told more often what their tasks are, they are way less likely to just find things to do. And they just decide not to show up for their shifts. A lot.

The three or four girls we have who are white would never in their lives just not show up for a shift. We've had it happen three times this week with a few of the others.

We would never dream of texting our boss “cool” after she reminds us we need to come in for our shift. And then just never show.

I'm so sick of it. The entitled attitude. The rudeness, the inconsideration, the one word answers, and our black keyholder who won't sit the fuck down and let me take my position in the company.

I'm so tired of it.

I'm also sipping a salted caramel hot chocolate with a shot of irish cream. Apparently tipsy blogger me is a little more blunt.

So like I used to say, I don't think it's their skin color that makes them this way. But I can see a pattern clearly. When I think of the most dependable girls on the team, they're white. The ones with the best work ethic, the ones who are always around and always polite, the ones who come into work presentable and in dress code.

The others are sullen, hostile, lazy, often call out and don't find coverage, respond to texts with one word or don't respond at all, and act as entitled as anything I've ever seen.

I thought when I moved to the city I would get to meet plenty of people of all kinds and realize that the things I hear about other ethnic backgrounds aren't necessarily true. But all I've done is meet a dozen or so black people who treat me and my boss like crap, and a bunch of white girls with great work ethics and who are very polite.

I can just seriously sense a pattern. It's awful to say but I don't know what else it could be. I tried to give a bunch of girls the benefit of the doubt, especially the ones who showed up to their interviews looking really cute and all put together, but they show up to their first shift in a crop top and leggings and sneakers.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

So. Today my boss got a text from one of the new girls. It said, “Would it be okay if I switched my shift with someone and work tomorrow instead?”

Ok wtf does this even mean? Are you calling out? You know you have permission to switch your shift. We went over that.

My boss texted her back and said, you're scheduled when you're scheduled for a reason and it's in line with your availability so you're expected to be here. Finding coverage is your responsibility.

This bitch texted back “Cool.”

I don't think we'll be hearing from her again. But then again, on one hand I would never show my face around a company that I'd deserted again. I don't know what she'll do. She obviously doesn't have the same comprehension of shame as I do.

I'm so sick of it. And I'm afraid I'm going to get fired if I keep going to my boss about it. I don't know what to do.

But I'm sensing a pattern and maybe I should stick to girls who haven't given me so much grief.

My ex texted me yesterday to ask if we were filing separately. It shocked me – I haven't heard from him in over a month. It's been nice. I don't know how to feel anymore. I'm just so caught between how I feel and how I want to feel and how I think I should feel.

I want to feel sure of myself and strong, and I think I should probably feel happy, relieved, cathartic – but I'm just sad.

I'm sad. That sentence was supposed to be longer but it wasn't. I'm just so sad, so achingly terribly sad. It doesn't have hints of anger or resentment or anything else. My heart is just so sad.

There are things that make me happy and I forget about the sad, though, and I only remember it when it comes back. But I can't always ignore it.

I wonder if I'll be sad for the rest of my life like this.