Hi guys – things are better at work, which subsequently means I have less to vent about on here. My fingers aren't flying like they were last week. The girl giving me trouble has been taken care of apparently. We're cordial. I think she is just too young.
I had my first interview by myself yesterday – the girl was great, I hired her.
I have a lot of amazing new responsibilities. My manager really listens to what I suggest – I guess being an ASM has some really cool benefits.
I'm spending the night with my boyfriend but I have some time on the train to write and think.
Today we spoke briefly about an employee that hadn't worked for our company for a while, who had visited briefly. The girls rolled their eyes when she was brought up, so I asked what that was about.
They told me she was a homeless person who used to work there, which was fine, except she was homeless by choice. She had lots of family who offered to house her, but she lived in a shelter with her daughter instead. They paid for everything and she qualified for all sorts of programs that paid for everything for her and her daughter. She lived in this fancy apartment and only paid maybe a hundred a month, and would flaunt it like she was smart. She would go out on shopping sprees with all sorts of cash all the time. She came in and spent a ton of cash, while her 2-year-old sat in the stroller on her phone. On her phone. I said that.
I think people like that are morally reprehensible, and that reprehensibility is many-layered.
I'm sure you see what I'm saying. I think she's reprehensible for taking money she didn't earn. I think she's reprehensible for taking that money instead of moving aside for someone else who really needs it. I think she's reprehensible for teaching her that taking money for doing nothing is a viable way of life. I think she's reprehensible for bragging about her situation that many people would gladly trade for a full-time job.
I liked that the girls I worked with also saw this reprehensibility. I'm glad there are people in my generation who genuinely don't want that.
This topic led us to talking about horrible coworkers, and they brought up another girl who had seemed fine when she was hired, but after she was promoted to keyholder started talking to my boss about “White Women in Power.” Another useless, racist slogan used by Postmodernists to try and undermine certain groups of people.
White Women in Power. Just read that again. One more time.
I'm a white woman. I'm not exactly in power, although I have a good job and I can sort of support myself sort of. I get all the jobs I interview for, although it's not because I'm white – it's because I know how to present myself and how to talk about myself, and I know to show up ten minutes early in a business casual outfit and I know how to pretend I specifically want to work for this company. I know how to summon my mother's phone call voice and I know how to sound like a people person even though I'm not.
AND I know how to carry all this over after I get the job.
Unless you're claiming that I know these things because I'm white – statistically not likely – I don't see how White Women in Power has anything to do with retail.
I talked a little about statistical differences between white and black people being raised in the U.S.A – that because I'm white I'm more likely to grow up with two parents in my life, and that children who grow up with two parents in the household are typically better adjusted mentally and emotionally. The fact that my family had two parents meant I was more likely to be above the poverty line, which meant I was more likely to receive a better education.
Let's pause for a moment.
Remember how in the Bible, after Adam and Eve eat of the fruit of the tree of good and evil, God talks about all the consequences? Like that childbirth will be painful? Adam will have to toil in the soil on the earth.
It's connected to the idea that God punishes your children for your decisions. When I was a kid, this seemed unfair. Like a whole lot of unfair. If God is all-powerful, and all-knowing, can't he just make it so that I never have to pay for the sins of my father?
Reading Peterson has helped me understand – or perhaps understand – that maybe it is the reverse. Maybe God didn't decree that Adam would be miserable, or that Eve would always be beholden to her husband. Maybe He was issuing a warning. Maybe He was preparing them.
My marriage threw this into the spotlight because I was married to a man who didn't understand what the difference is between a punishment and a consequence. You yell a lot, so that I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't not talk to you to punish you – it's because you offer me nothing in the way of conversation. I don't want to go on dates with you because you are obnoxious and embarrass me in public. I don't want to have children with you because last time we fought you told me it would be the worst thing you can think of doing with me.
I'm human. I react to things in a way that my instincts believe will protect me. Sure, because we're together I may decide to act against my better judgement to try and save the relationship.... but not for long.
I understood this as a happy consequence of wanting to leave. Now, I go through life meeting people who believe that everything bad that happens to them is the result of someone else. It's all a punishment, inflicted by the world. It's never just a consequence of your actions.
You left your children. But it's white people's fault that they didn't get great education. You have six kids with different dads. But it's the government's fault you can't feed them. It's not just that you are unwise. It's not just that you strayed.
I think this is the root cause of all conflict between human beings. Not being able to see the difference between something inflicted on you, and something you inflicted on yourself. Not wanting to take personal responsibility. Not wanting to let yourself think you messed up.
But once you do, the world opens up for you. Once you recognize the difference, everything becomes clearer. You now have power. You have a say.
In a world where everyone wants a say, you'd think more people would be itching to take one.