I have absorbed so much sunlight that I keep marking June in my journal instead of January.
Hello! I took a couple days to enjoy my vacation and try not to spend too much money on our spontaneous trip through parts of Disney (I failed. I failed so badly).
For the past few months on my phone I've been reading The Silmarillion to pass time – on the subway, train, plane, etc. But I've read it four times over in a row, and yesterday I decided to take a look at books I didn't have yet and maybe read something new.
Maybe a year ago I was gifted a copy of 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson, but I only made it a few chapters in, partly because I had already listened to all his college tours on the subject, and partly because I was taking my time and trying to digest, but I took my time too well.
Anyway, I decided to get the digital copy. That's what I've been doing while I've been sitting in the sun the past few days, but I'm trying to read closer.
Anyway I recommend the book, or at least the college tours that are based on the book, ideally both. Especially if you're my age or younger. There's something about hearing someone affirm your fears – that life isn't about happiness, that it's suffering that you can make meaningful – that calms you down.
I wanted to talk about something Peterson emphasizes, but from the perspective of a very sheltered child: the difference between making your child safe versus strong.
My older siblings were from a different father, and they had it pretty rough in a lot of ways. My mom did her best, but things just weren't working out the way everyone wanted. One of them didn't make it, and we're sincerely blessed that the other did.
My mother's two children from her next husband (myself and my sister) were brought up very differently. Our father's family was pretty well off so we went to private schools, and my mom went overboard making sure that when we moved and started going to public schools, our teachers were 100% on board with keeping us more sheltered. Things like sex ed, health, and difficult topics were held off – more for my younger sister than for me – and brought into our lives carefully.
Our friend were screened and we weren't allowed to go see movies/watch shows that other kids in our age group were. Obnoxious cartoons and non-educational games were nopes. I was not exposed to anything risky.
This had pros and cons. On one hand, I focused a lot on school, and less on fun and games. On the other hand, I focused a lot on school, and less on fun and games.
I got good grades and the teachers liked me, but the kids didn't. Well, less they didn't like me. They just didn't notice me. I was never bullied. I was never anything'd really.
Professor Peterson talks about the fact (proven clinically, so many many times) that children who are not properly socialized by age four will forever have difficulty and have to make more effort to relate to and interact with other people. Unfortunately for me, since I went to such small schools and by the time I could talk I was already awkward, this was definitely true for me.
No matter the topic in school I never knew what to say. I hadn't seen that show, that movie, never heard of that actress; I was completely unprepared for the world as it was, and completely prepared for the world where Jesus Christ was coming soon, prepare a road, etc.
I knew from the beginning. Something had gone wrong.
Or maybe something had gone right, in a very wrong world?
I'm still trying to figure that part out.