The little boy (from the story it sounded like early teenager/tween/ish) asked the girl to be his girlfriend and she said no.

“What are you going to do now?” the woman asked him.

“I'm going to keep trying!”

“NO!” the woman scolded him. “NOW YOU LEAVE THAT LITTLE GIRL ALONE.”

This really hurts me to hear about. The person who posted it was genuinely disgusted at the boy's inability to allow someone to say “no” to him.

If a boy asked me out and I said no and he immediately said “okay” and never pursued it again, I'd assume he wasn't all that interested. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'd much rather be courted than propositioned. By the way women turn men down to see how they'd react, it seems like that instinct is pretty prevalent.

If you're telling boys not to court women, simply to proposition them and then walk away and try for the next best thing, you'll have men who believe no woman wants them, and you'll have those same women believing those same men don't really want them that much.

Yeah there's a difference between trying to court a woman and, say, stalking her, harassing her, but a lot of this has to do with the woman – and a lot of what it has to do with the woman depends on the attractiveness of the man. Which is shallow but natural.

If I'm mostly a typical girl – and I like to think I am – I don't like to be courted by ugly/financially unstable/flighty men. It signals to me that I'm even less desirable, since men tend to pursue women who are below them on ladders. I like to be courted by attractive men who have their shit together. Not because I think I deserve one – because I know I don't. Because they're of a higher status.

Like my boyfriend right now. Higher status. Older. Makes more money. Crazy hot. Hi babe.

I don't want to be courted half-heartedly. I don't want to be courted by a man who is going to change his mind. I don't want to be courted by someone who can just be told “no” – specifically in the language of affection. Of course I want a man who can be told “no” in the sense of physical intimacy.

But do I?

No. Not really, no. Never did.

It's possible that this example was just to be used when it came to kids. And sure, if a little girl is telling a little boy no and he's not getting the picture, that's not cool. But it seems to me that these examples are meant to be carried out into the future. It seems like they're trying to tell boys not to pursue girls.

I speak from experience when I say; relationships where the girl has to pursue and do the hard work of courting are not fun. And not because it's hard work.

I always had to do the hard work with my ex husband. If I didn't call him, we didn't talk. If I didn't arrange it, we didn't spend time together. For him, all that was a nuisance.

How did that feel? How else could it feel. It felt like he didn't want me. I don't think he really did.

I don't know if men feel that way when they court women, but I don't think so. My relationship now is mostly him doing the asking, and that's fine with me because I feel really wanted. Like I feel actually wanted. He doesn't seem to mind, and I think it's because he just likes that I say yes. If we get together, most of the time it's because he asked me to come over, or he invited me out, or he asked to spend time together.

I'm really happy. I don't talk about much else unless I'm at work.

I don't think men should stop pursuing women. I think maybe there's an opportunity to talk about what pursuit is vs harassment.

I don't think asking a girl out multiple times is the wrong way to pursue her. I mean, if you're having to do it too many times, you might try working on the undesirable parts of you and let that help.

I don't think it's wrong to pay girls compliments (needs a whole chapter IMO). I like getting them. Unless you're ugly. #sorrynotsorry (OMG my first ever hashtag!)

I don't think it's wrong to pursue physical attention/go in for a kiss/ask for a dance/make it obvious you're wanting to be handsy.

I don't think it's wrong to find out things about a girl and try to impress her in those areas.

I think it's definitely not okay to follow her outside of the areas you both inhabit (school, work, etc.). I think it's definitely not okay to try to dig up personal info on her without her knowing and use that to contact her. I think it's definitely not okay to knowingly lie to her to make her more susceptible, or rape her (just trying to come up with the stuff I would not want someone to do if they wanted to go out with me and I was turning them down).

I wouldn't want someone to ask more than a couple times without making substantial changes to whatever they did wrong the first time.

I feel like everything else is fair game.

“Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep.”